Waking Early

Today I read positive on a pregnancy test, for the third time in my two years of marriage.

I miscarried early in August, the doctor estimates that the baby was at 6 to 7 gestation when development ended. I had my follow-up visit September 17th. At that time the doctor gave me an ultrasound to make sure that my body had rid itself of all the tissue and other things that were there to keep the baby safe.

He said that my body looked fully healed and that he expected me to have a period with the next two days or so. If I didn’t get it in the next week, I should call and set up another appointment. I wanted to know what would happen then. He just said, “Well obviously it’s absence would mean that you weren’t ovulating then we’d probably talk about your options.”

On the September 28th I got a period, well a rush of blood following a momentary sharp pain. I hopped upstairs and grabbed a clean pair of underwear and snuck in to the bathroom to clean up. Deeder followed me in Silly guy!

This sudden coming on of a period made me think that I was back to being healthy after my sad miscarriage–that I was going to have a strong period and be candidate for being mommy a second time. By bedtime the pad was hardly soiled. I put in a fresh one. In the morning that one was completely clean. After going through two more days and nights with unsoiled pads I decided that that was it and I was just being wasteful!

This morning I called my OB/GYN to report that I hadn’t gotten my period back–what I had was strange and surely didn’t count. I feel fine, but my body must be doing something very very odd. The receptionist set up an October 17th visit for me–at 10:30. That’s 2 days after my big Deeder boy turns fifteen months old. Time flies by!

During Deeder naptime I was cleaning the bathroom and came across an unused pregnancy test in the tissue cupboard. Just for kicks I took it. Test results are supposed to take five minutes to appear. Single line means not pregnant and double is positive, pregnant.

It didn’t take five minutes to color, more like five seconds. Both lines were dark and very clear. NO WAY!! I rushed downstairs and looked up the pregnancy test online to see if the reading was right. I called my husband at his work–he was busy, the girl I talked to said that he could call me in half an hour or so.

I waited and waited. When he didn’t call I picked up the phone and called my home. No one answered so I left a message. I think I said, “Hi guys…I took a pregnancy test and it’s positive…um, this is Laura.”

I’m so excited, excited isn’t the right word. I’m hopeful. Can this be real? Will it last?

Please God. Keep that tiny speck of life alive–please make it grow–please, God.